Looking back:
Journal, September 17, 2012
No
news is good news!
Today
was cupcake’s 3rd fetal echocardiogram—that’s a detailed ultrasound
of her heart. (Number one was at 17
weeks, along with her chromosome testing and anatomy scan, and number 2 was a
couple of weeks ago but was inconclusive.)
Well today was successful. She
was cooperative and held still enough for the cardiologist when she couldn’t be
bothered to be still for anyone else!
She’s very busy in there, you know.
Probably making some arts and crafts or training for a triathlon (which
I suppose would be the eat-sleep-poop one that everyone tells us about!). In fact, she prompts commentary on her high activity
level at each and every visit. We love
that she is so energetic; she’s our little fighter, and that active spirit is
going to come in handy here in a few months.
Plus, nothing in the world beats the feeling of her little feet thumping
away in my belly!
Today
the doctor confirmed what she’d suspected at our 17-week echo, and as always,
an appointment that reveals no new hurdles is a good appointment! Cupcake’s heart is tilted/rotated off axis,
which is a common effect of omphalocele.
The O creates a pull on the abdomen, causing other organs to shift. Thankfully, the tilt doesn’t affect the
structure or function of her heart, and it looks pretty much normal—beautiful
and strong! Yay! Our baby girl does have a small Ventricular
Septal Defect (VSD), which is a hole between two of the chambers of her
heart. (You can read more about VSD here
if you’re interested: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002089/ ) The
cardiologist and neonatologist both feel it isn’t a major concern at this
point, and that it may close on it’s own either before or after she’s
born. They’ll keep an eye on her heart
and the VSD, along with everything else as we go along. Close, little hole, close!
In
a chapter of our lives that is absolutely chock full of uncertainties, we are
learning to accept the idea of never quite knowing the answers, while getting
pretty good at clinging to the hope that it’ll all turn out ok. We can only know so much about what we’re
facing with our baby girl, and every morning greets us with that reality. There are many questions that will have to
remain unanswered until she arrives in January.
That has been a real challenge, dealing with the unknowns. Not knowing how hard it’s going to be on her,
or on us; not knowing when or what type or how many surgeries she’ll have, not
knowing how long she’ll be in the hospital, not knowing when we’ll get to hold
her for the first time. All the while
clinging to the knowledge that there is a plan, that the things that are
unknown to us are known by our Heavenly Father. One of my favorite verses has always been Jeremiah 29:11,
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans for wholeness and not for evil, plans to give you a future and a hope.
Oh the sweet peace, the comfort, in those words from the Lord.
As
I silently adored this precious little munchkin flickering on the screen today,
I felt so thankful for these moments we've been given. In
the midst of this storm, I am certainly blessed in a way not many expectant
mothers are. I get to see my baby girl every couple of
weeks, sometimes weeks in a row, often for an hour at a time. I get to watch her bop around, kick and stretch,
hiccup, and touch her precious face with her tiny hands. I get to watch her growing, changing, bit by
bit, and inch by inch. I saw her hands
turn from rounded balls to five-fingered wonders. I saw her ears change from tiny nubs to
beautiful, perfect pinna. I hear her
courageous, strong heart beating week after week. I’m amazed as I watch God’s graceful hands
forming her, this beautiful miracle I’m carrying. This is one of God’s greatest gifts, and my
heart is so full of astonishment, love, and gratitude for every minute.
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